try

I"m sitting on my couch dabbling on my facebook, and I see a post that says "mistakes mean your trying"...wow. I feel like i'm always trying, trying to be a better woman, trying to be better then I was yesterday. One upping myself whenever possible. I am my worst critic, and my own biggest fan on most days. I can look in the mirror and admire myself as a woman, and absolutely hate myself as a human being. There are days I get dressed in my ribbons and pearls, although my reflection shows my scars, the blackness that runs threw my veins, skin on bone. Ripping myself apart for not being a better worker, friend, lover, partner...the list a mile long. Hating yourself for the extent of your life for being as needy as you are, as terrified or for how you absolutely go mad when you have to spend any time alone with yourself. Cursing every decision you've made because it was under false pretenses or lust filled delirium. Trying to make the next right move, always conscious to keep your side of the street clean. What if we all stopped trying so hard? What if everyone just went with the flow for a little while, would it be all that bad?? Human nature is to surpass the next guy. We learn as children to form clicks, and out number the enemy on the playground. We get worse with age. The problems grow increasingly more difficult, and the force behind the blows is generated by years of abuse. What if we all beat up ourselves a little less? Before committing suicide, really thinking who it hurts?ourselves?? I've waited my whole life to die, instead of "trying" to enjoy the moment. I tried convincing myself that the world was better with out me, all the while the world was better because I was in it. "Everyone has a purpose", that phrase makes up the entire circle of life. You live until god feels you've fulfilled your duties on earth. There is a sadness in knowing that death awaits you one day, but a joy in understanding that when that day comes you've done everything you needed to. Death changes people. It awakes something in your soul. There is something about witnessing lifelessness that makes you feel alive. You start trying hard, living moment to moment, appreciating what life you have left. Its beautiful. The vulnerability it releases between individuals is powerful. People walk a little lighter, smile bigger. Make it your lifes goal to always say hello to someone you pass on the road.... take a little longer to chew a good steak, and TRY to the fullest and most important tense of the word to live a little bit sweeter. Even when you fail, you will know that its ok because mistakes mean your living, and living means you let go of what you can't handle, and surround yourself with what really matters. Today is your day