this is me

hello all,
 My name is Samantha, and thanks to my adoring friends I am now a riveting blogger. haha. This actually all came about at a pretty dire time in my life so I am thankful to be able to have this outlet. I will apologize in advance for most of my posts being sad, but I find that in my weaker moments I do my best work. Hopefully someone will come along and read these one day and it will change there lives, because these experiences have forever changed mine. For starters I have a wicked case of attention deficit disorder, so reading my mental and emotional roller coaster ride threw life may be a bit confusing,but please bare with me. I was raised in a pretty unorthodox setting. No father, a grandmother who played both mom, dad, supporter, disciplinarian, and so much more. all the while My mother: a blue eyed, thick skinned, opiate dependent woman minoring in parenting, and majoring in full blown paranoia had the run of the show. So needless to say god didn't make it too easy for me. Also let me put it out there that I am very spiritual. I am open to every different religions takes on life, and culture even though I prefer to follow my own path. I believe in the will that lives within myself. That may sound a little crazy, but as a child convincing myself that I had some soul searching to do was much easier then thinking no one cared enough to relinquish  my unanswered prayers. I was lost...I am STILL lost, but I have made it my lifes goal to find a little peice of who I am in everyone I meet. I'm  an avid collector of people one might say. My friends are amazing examples, there is a sliver of all of them that live in me. My mom had brought home a paper from one of her many trips to rehab that spoke of 2 men. One was an old deteriorating man with a heart that was beaten and torn practically to shreds, and the other was a man with a whole crimson perfect beating heart. The whole hearted man boasted how he had the most beautiful heart in all the world, but in the midst of his public display a young girl approached the elderly man watching in the crowd, and declared that HE indeed had the most beautiful heart. The old man chuckled and said theres nothing left of this tattered muscle however could you think that. She assures him that the emptiness is what makes it beautiful. The fact that over the course of his life he has  given so much of himself away, and never took anything back to fill the holes. The beauty lies within the people whose lives hes changed with his selfless ways. I have never forgotten that...and that has kicked off the theme of what my blog will not only represent for me as a person, but for every one who sees this. I hope you stay tuned