It's amazing how life works out. How you have this larger than life plan in your head about how it's gonna be or how " If it were up to you.." things would be this way or that. All the while Gods just sitting up in heaven laughing at your grandiose efforts.
When I was a little girl I had this dream, that one day the clouds would separate and a big glittering miracle would appear out of thin air. There would be no more worries, or bills, or heartache. Everything would always run smoothly, and not a step out of time.
Man, am I glad that wasn't the case.
I found out that those moments of shear lunacy meant something. They still mean something. I found that the madness can be beautiful. We miss that I think because we're so wrapped up in the fact that it's a road block in this game of life we're playing. You see the madness means my hearts still beats fast for something. It means it still pounds faster and slower at the same time when I'm excited, and it has the ability to break into a million pieces at any given moment. I'm ok with those odds today.
You see life is hard. It's real hard. It comes with big responsibilities like compromise and selflessness, and a whole bunch of other things that we fall short in every day. Some days more than others. Those things never disappeared when I wished for them so desperately. That wasn't where the miracle was. It happened many many years later when I finally figured out what all this is about. That my heart has the ability to mend itself after those tragedies, and that I want to stay right where I am when things don't go my way. Best of all it allows me to grow.
Baby, I may not always get this right, and damn it I try. For those moments of insanity....I am not sorry. I am more in love with you then than I ever am, and it's really amazing how life works out.
