busy

I've been such a busy beaver lately. Trying to pencil in friends, family, activities, work, projects around the house and now writing a book. Of course in my most occupied of times I decide to pursue my dream of publishing a memoir of my life to share with the world. I think the craziness will help me think actually. My mind has constantly moved a mile a minute since the moment I think I was able to think. haha. The chaos is like high octane booster for my brain. The only problem i'm experiencing currently is writers block, although I should just chalk it up to writers overload. I have a hundred different ideas all of which don't tie in with the next one making planning the format next to impossible...so I freeze. It's so like me to want to give up right from the start...when the going gets tough I get going, but I refuse to let that be the case this time. Nothing in my life has come easily so why should this. There would be no reward in that. Sitting in an al anon meeting the other night it dawned on me why it's been so hard to kick off this book, and I think it's because of my faith. God was always prevalent in our home...my mother is a born again christian, every night before bed we would say " see you in the morning god willing ", but until I was about 18 or so I never thought god was willing. I was actually quite sure he hated me. As I sit here today recalling all those painful memories the power of god in my adult life, and the many many meetings I have attended have changed my out look on all of those horrific memories. I am thankful for them today. God had sent those challenges my way because he knew that I could handle them, and not because he wanted to torture me. I try to think that if a weaker person was handed these battles they wouldn't have made it, so it's almost like I saved someone...So I like to think. I sit with my pen in my hand trying to remember how feverishly I had written as a child. The ink would burn the pages, today I'm  lucky I can scribble a line at a time. That is recovery. God shall make this challenging, but today I shall except this challenge..with a migraine and opened arms.