My World

 Some how, nothing has changed...yet EVERYTHING has changed. I think it's my perspective.

    Today I feel the best I have in a long time. It was an ordinary day. Didn't sleep in too long, or have anything incredible to eat for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I didn't cure world hunger or take a trip around the world. Although some how my little world felt just right.
    I wake up every day, and CHOOSE to remind myself that I am a sick woman. I know that is a controversial topic, and I should probably wake up everyday and tell myself that I am strong, and confident and all that jazz. Those things I know. I have been through enough tragedy in my life to know that I can survive. I have had enough relationships to be confident, and I have been weak enough to finally know how strong I really am. The sickness is what I forget....
   I am an alcoholic in every sense of the word. I can forget in a milisecond that living on my own free will is deadly. I can forget the horrors of a month, a week or even a moment ago. My ability to make a snap emotion filled impulse based decision is uncanny. I can rock my own world harder than Neil Young was rockin it in the free world if ya know what I'm sayin. I need to know that I'm not quite right sometimes...that keeps it green for me. Once I start thinkin i'm up there with God is when things start goin horribly wrong down here on earth.
   I am blessed today to have gained back my power of choice. To see things for what they truely are and not for the fantasized ideological version of them I have made up in my head. When bad things happen, and by bad things I don't just mean shitty circumstances, I mean anything that doesn't necessarily go my way gets thrown in that category also. But when those things crop up I can stop and breathe, and realize that they will pass. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly....but indefinitely.
   I am happy to be alive. Whether there's heartache or happiness. I will choose to be happy for that moment. For all of those moments. They will all come together one day in the grand scheme of things, and I will call them MY LIFE.