life

This week has been one for the record books for me. I'm not going to go into detail about what exactly happened, but I had a much needed. much long over due epiphany! I saw my life through new eyes. Me...i'm scared of everything...most things. I'm scared to live, i'm scared that some days i'm not even sure what that means. I'm scared to fail, but I would fear more not knowing what to do with the success. This week although has shown me that things aren't all that terrifying. Our minds exagerate those fears, and they appear larger and more volatile then anticipated. I in turn got to experience the other side of that coin. The world around me was grossly distorted, but my fears appeared to be much smaller in ratio. I needed that. Today, another addition to how crazy and exciting my week has been, I have deleted skydiving from my bucket list. WOW what a freeing experience. It seems simple ok you get on a plane, go north about 12,000 feet, and then you jump out. Including of course the gamble of dying on your way back down. With all risk aside I decided it was something I needed to do. I still felt small to the world...which is strange because being up so high made everything and everybody else look so tiny. I was a molecule in the sky, just a tiny organism wearing a jesus tshirt, and black track sneakers, but that was exactly where I belonged. I saw what it was to be removed from reality for a second, to look down, and see that maybe the world isn't all that bad.

For anyone that knows me I move a mile a minute. I do not have a lick of patience to my name. I'm constantly one step ahead of myself. I go and go and go, and even when I run out of steam...I run on the water droplets the steam leaves behind. This week has been so spiritual, and it has slowed me down to just the right pace...for today atleast and I thank god for that.