down and out

I feel like giving up. This doesn't make any sense anymore, and I don't know why. I started trying to hard I think. I started correcting my actions. I thought I used to know what I wanted, thought I had it all figured out...I don't..I didn't then. I had a diff love affair every 5 minutes, falling inlove more with the thought of them then anything else. I hate to be alone. I hate that i feel that way most of all. My skin is crawling. I feel like I can see it, my skin is rippling over my arm n tiny pin needles prick my finger tips. There's spots everywhere. mainly on my liver but they are also clouding the stars in my eyes. Trying to be an adult is hard, it entails facing yourself, considering harder the actions your taking before you take them. A bunch of grown up junk that just complicates life. Even though it was chaotic I loved my old ways, I was used to them...it was nice to feel at home. my cup was full, but theirs was always empty. I just went back and read this...wow how crazy I must feel, let alone sound.
I cant even find the words to pray.
I always pray, everyday, atleast for a moment. I pray I get my act together, and that I get to keep any right of passage that i've already earned. I pray that the days go by quickly yet the years pass slow. Time moves faster then you think.
When I pray I wish for the strength of many many men, and the soul of mother theresa. I wish I had a third arm to accomplish more tasks, and an extra foot to run three times as fast as my fears can chase me.
I feel like living. this doesn't make sense anymore, and I don't know why. maybe,  its because i've corrected my actions...maybe I know now what I need and not just what i've wanted. Being an adult makes needs trump desires. Who even knows whats best for us. 99% of the time we don't even know whats best for ourselves. and so what if it hurts, it always hurts. Nothing good in life ever comes easy.