" I've been so many places in my life and time..."...
I have had the opportunity to be a sister, a mother, a lover. I was a best friend, an arch enemy, and a confidant. There are homes I have inhabited and couches I have surfed. So many faces, and places, and hearts I have so graciously come to know.
Over the course of these immeasurable 25 years I have built myself a world. A mini army made up of created fairy tale family members and a support system that could with stand the test of time. There are people I have not seen in years, but would show up in a split second in my world.There are ones that I am honored to see every single day. People that have watched me fail, saw me cry my eyes out, and plead to god that I just wanted to die. Against all odds they showed up for me. Selfish me, for the better half of all those years, was sure that they were the lucky ones.
I could not have been more wrong. It was I that had been blessed. As great as it was to see them...it was always so much more rewarding to have been seen. I was lost. They indeed...one by one tried so desperately to love me back to life. If I had the power to go back and save them all from the hell I created I would. It hurts me more than they will ever know to have watched them hurt for me.
These individuals come in all shapes and sizes. All walks of life. They each are attached to a particular drug, or home or broken hearted part of me. When I could not find a way to be a part of this life they mangles themselves to be a part of mine. Today I am able to be present. In their worlds, in their time. How do I ever divorce myself from the only family I have ever known?
I will be married soon. I will be the luckiest woman in the world to share myself with this man. I come with baggage, with alcoholism, and with a gang of lovely people that to me...they look like comin home. My home will be you Kevin, and I am so grateful that they are all welcome.
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