humbled

Today I have to sit back and count my blessings.  There are so many days, minutes even, that just fly by without even a glance. We are so caught up in "the now" that we miss so many of life's little miracles and don't even realize. There are thousands and thousands of hours wasted pursuing countless selfish acts of "heroism". People who are stressed out over petty minuscule things, continuously robbing Peter to pay Paul, giving only in hopes that they will receive. There are natural disasters and personal daily tragedies. There are deaths, births, relapses, homelessness, greed, lust, envy...Incomparable bouts of pain, fear...solitude. Yes these are real life scenarios, and yes they are of importance, and yes they sometimes can be a matter of life and death...but where is GOD? The biggest miracle of all is the human ability to have faith. Belief that even if not viewed from the beaches of Turks and Caicos, the sun still rises just as bright and beautiful. The leaves are still filled with the morning dew even when there is no one around to feel the damp branches of the freshly planted trees. I think somewhere we have lost our ability to trust. We are all so hurried to get things done that we miss the joy of  doing them. We plan so far in advance that we actually MISS "the now" that we constantly strive to be apart of. We are lost and we don't even know it. I humbled myself by thinking  I was very much present, for I had played god  most of my life. I thought I had all things, saw all things. Sure maybe through blind eyes and empty hands did I defy the odds. I could make lemon juice out of lemons...although I'd hardly call it lemonade. I didn't trust anyone and I barely trusted myself. God was not a question for me...He hated me. THAT I was sure of, at the time atleast. Until one solitary day...I had no where else to go but down, on my knees I went in the middle of a beautiful church cathedral, and I cried. I wept oceans of tears, enough to drown the angels and the consistent chaotic noise I'll call it that filled  my head, and I prayed. I prayed that the madness would end and that my heart would find peace in " the now". I had been one of those busied people for far too long..racing and racing, going no where fast." eating poison, and waiting for someone else to die" is how I lived. The best advice I was ever given and that I can give to you is to live every single moment. Live it like it is the last moment, the only moment. Live for right this very second, if it feels right than capture that experience. Your gut instinct is usually right, and if it is not god will make sure some way some how that it all makes sense in the end. Every passing day is documented whether we rush through it, ease into it, smile or cry...and when we are old  and gray, those scribbled down memories become " the greatest story ever told"...the story of our lives.